building the muscle.

I used to be able to do 25 real pushups. Can you believe that? Today, I can do maybe 10, and my face is tomato red when I'm done. It's so strange how our body really does operate on the use-it-or-lose-it system.

The way I see it, resisting temptation is just like doing pushups. When we consistently give in to it--telling ourselves silly lies like it's just too difficult to resist; the only way to make it go away is to give in; it's just this one time--that's when we get wimpy and revert back to our knee pushups. On the other hand, when we actively and routinely choose not to give in to temptation, we build our resistance muscles to be stronger and stronger. Each time we push away, it's like adding one more spiritual pushup to our fitness portfolio.

Sometimes I really do convince myself that there's no way to avoid the temptation I'm facing, and then I feel defeated before I've even sinned! But in those times when we feel like we have no escape, it's important to remember that Jesus is a redeemer, and through Him we have victory over sin--over it's bondage, over the darkness it brings us, and over it's power:

No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it. (1 Corinthians 10:13)

There's always that moment when you know you can escape. You know what I'm talking about: that split-second of awareness that you feel when you're heading somewhere you shouldn't but you haven't quite gone the wrong way yet. I think the more we listen for that voice and respond to it, the more natural it will become for us to resist temptation when it comes.

How do you build up strength against temptation in your life?

comments

the silver lining.

Yesterday I read about the tragic death of a young girl and Pepperdine student, Sarah Brady. According to the report, she was killed in a sudden crash while driving to California to start school this week. I cannot think of much that is more heart-wrenching than a young person losing their life. I also can't fathom the pain that her family and friends are experiencing in the midst of their loss. However, I do believe--as unimaginable as it is right now--that at some point God will bring something beautiful and good from this pain.

Have you gone through something painful--either physically or emotionally--that you never want to experience again? The loss of a family member or friend, like Sarah? Or perhaps something that enslaved you or robbed you of being the girl you once were? Pain is a strange thing, because although it nearly destroys us, it is also what connects us to others.

I can't help but think of controlled fires. Controlled burning is done during cooler months to protect a forest from more serious fires during fire season. It also stimulates germination of trees and spurs on forest renewal. The way I see it, God is the forest ranger and we are the forest. Sometimes he uses a controlled burn (i.e. difficult times in our life) in order to renew us and rebuild others around us. We may feel like the pain is out of control and unbearable (I know I've felt that), but God is sovereign over everything.

That's the silver lining in our pain--the one redeeming element of the darkness--that through it we are able to comfort and support others by the grace of God.

Have you ever used your past pain in order to encourage or support someone else?

comments

simple prayer and child's pose.

Earlier this year, I joined a mentoring program with my church here in San Diego, and for six months (mostly prior to my wedding) I met weekly with my mentor, Betsy. She an inspiring, godly woman who has been married to her beloved husband for 41 years. What wisdom and perspective she had to offer me! As a special focus for our time together, we decided to explore and grow in the discipline of prayer.

I know, I know—discipline is a terrible word. I hate the idea of discipline, mostly because I've lived so much of my life with too disciplined of an attitude, so I shy away from it. But to say that following Jesus doesn't require discipline would be a lie. What's important to understand is that Christian discipline is different from the convoluted way we define it, falling nicely in between the lines of legalism and abuse of grace.

To start off our first month or so together, we read the first few chapters of Prayer by Richard J. Foster. By the time I got to the second chapter, my prayer life was already drastically changing for the better. I realized that I constantly felt bogged down by the duty of prayer requests and felt guilty when I prayed for myself. After all, when prayer consists of nothing but checking off prayer requests, exhaustion replaces the joy of the exercise.

According to Foster, simple prayer is not selfish, but necessary:

Simple Prayer is beginning prayer. It is the prayer of children, and yet we will return to it again and again...We never outgrow this kind of prayer, because we never outgrow the needs which give rise to it.

When I read this, I immediately thought of child's pose. Any of you yogis out there know what I'm talking about—the classic, most simple pose in yoga which is essentially a fetal position (see photo above). It is the pose you return to during your yoga routine that gives you rest, peace, and relaxation. It is your comfort. It is your home on your little mat. It is the position you go to when your body needs to be refreshed.

Simple prayer is kind of like that. It's like taking a break from the stress of your day and lying in the fetal position, doing nothing and instead being with the Lord. You may speak words, you may simply breathe in God's presence. What matters is that you are there with him, your heart desiring his presence.

Do you practice simple prayer? Or has prayer become more of a duty in your life?

comments

happy 25th, love of my life.

As you may have guessed from the title of this post, today is the 25th birthday of the love of my life--my wonderful husband Brian! In honor of this quarter-century celebration, I'd like to take a moment to recognize just a few of the reasons why I adore him...

• He requires coffee immediately upon waking, but never complains about getting up early with me.
• He writes me notes and picks up flowers "just because."
• He rarely buys himself anything because he’s so generous he buys things for other people first.
• He has a contagious personality and witty sense of humor.
• He encourages me to pursue my passions in life, always building me up along the way.
• He is slow to anger and quick to forgive.
• He is brotherly and loving to everyone—close friends and strangers alike.
• He knows me fully and still loves me.

Brian, thank you for being who you are. You inspire me to be a better person each and every day, and now that I know you I could not imagine my life without you. I can’t believe I get to spend my life with you at my side. Happy 25th!!!!

What do you love about your significant other?

comments

true beauty: kenna hurd.

Kenna and I first met in college, when we were crazy and adventurous enough to sign up for a week-long service-slash-mountaineering trip in Ecuador. We quickly connected during that week of traveling, exploring, ice-climbing, praying and serving. It's funny to think about us back then--two strangers who had no idea they would become the best of friends.

Since that frightful and exhilarating trip, Kenna and I have maintained our close friendship. We both moved to San Diego after college, attended the same church, and hung out with the same group of friends. She was even a bridesmaid in my wedding! Kenna is a gift to me in so many ways, but mostly through her contagious radiance, which makes the love of Christ plain to anyone she encounters.

What is your greatest passion in life? How do you live it out?

My greatest passion in life is to connect with people. Scratch that. My greatest passion in life is to deeply connect with people. To go beyond establishing common ground and to uncover a shared experience and to know that person through the lens of that experience. I value knowing people well enough to know at any given moment what they are feeling without a word ever being spoken. I strongly desire to walk through life with people--through the mud and the sunshine, all of it, together.

Naturally, people and my relationships are my priority in my life and you can probably guess how I spend the majority of my free time! However, I’m learning that regardless of our passions, balance is key. Yes, I greatly value investing in the people God has put in my life but it is also important for me to be present for people. I believe that in order to effectively live out our passions we must create boundaries in our lives to make sure we are rested, healthy and on mission with what the Lord is doing in our lives. It can be a tricky balance. I am definitely in process.

What woman inspires you?

Since the day I was born, I have been surrounded by incredible women. The older I get the more I am realizing that this is the biggest gift and I have a tendency to take if for granted. Women all around me are taking huge leaps of faith and pursuing their passions - over the last year I have had countless conversations with girlfriends discovering what they are gifted in and then watching them dive in head first to something new and seeing God provide in beautiful unexpected ways - these women inspire me daily.

There is one woman in particular that has recently had a huge impact on my journey. A little over a year and a half ago I attended a women’s conference with Flood Church and our time was led by Leeana Tankersly, a name that at the time I was unfamiliar with. Little did I know that Leeana and I share a similar soul and that God would use her to breathe life and hope back into mine.

Leeana wrote a book titled Found Art: Discovering Beauty in Foreign Places. In the book, Leeana recalls living in the Middle East with her new Navy SEAL husband and how she learned to recognize the beautiful pieces of this unknown place and put them together to create something inspirational to feed her soul. Through Leeana, I’ve learned that more times than not we find ourselves in a foreign place in our lives - good and bad - but it is the moments that we allow ourselves to stop, reflect and pick up pieces of truth about this place that can restore the deepest parts of our souls. Not to mention, in Leeana’s workshops we got to literally make pieces of Found Art - from bits of scraps to pieces of divine inspiration. These projects now hang on my walls as a constant reminder of where I’ve been and how I have experienced beautiful moments in the midst of scary unknown places.

How does what you do for a living fit in with your passions and what you feel is your calling?

Nothing brings me more joy than to see a young woman on a career path that is so obviously aligned with her passions and spiritual gifts. However, I am not that girl. Yet. This post-college season has been a time of discovering the career paths that actually aren’t my calling. That thing that I spent my entire college career pursuing and am currently still paying for... yep that’s not it! News Flash: that is totally okay and I’m pretty sure I’m not alone. What truly matters is that we keep our hearts open to the calling we have already received and always be prepared to take a leap of faith and try something new when we sense God pulling us in a certain direction. That vision will come over time and through His grace and in the meantime we all have the opportunity to discover the dynamic irreplaceable beings he created us to be - that’s a job I’d take any day!

When do you feel most alive?

“Ah-ha Moments” - we’ve all had them. You know that time when if you were a cartoon character a light bulb would pop up over your head? I feel most alive when I am privileged to witness other people’s “ah-ha moments” specifically pertaining to their identity in Christ, God’s hand of redemption in their lives or any other transformational piece to this big jigsaw puzzle of a life. Don’t get me wrong, I would never turn my nose up at having “ah-ha moments” of my very own but when I witness growth in other people - I’m not gonna lie - it makes me want to jump on couches! I love it. Maybe there’s something to be said about our ability to identify signs of transformation in others before we can see it in ourselves...

Oh and belly laughs. I feel most alive when I am uncontrollably laughing from the deepest part of my being. Definitely want more of that in my life.

What do you think is the most challenging thing about following Jesus as a 20-something girl?

We have so many options...

In our 20s we are laying the foundation for the rest of our lives. We are making big decisions -. What job to take, to go back to school or not, who to date, who NOT to date, which friendships to invest in, how to spend money, which church to serve at...all of these things are shaping who we are and who we will grow up to be. No pressure, huh?!

The most challenging thing about following Jesus at this point in my life has been my inability to cultivate the space and solitude needed to actually know Him and hear Him well. To allow Him to tell me where to go. We must create space not only in our lives but within ourselves to connect with the Living God because it is in these moments that we can truly be sure that we are indeed following Him.

What do you think is the most rewarding thing about following Jesus as a 20-something girl?

We have so many options!

This is the time in our lives to find out what it is we love to do and what we are good at - there is freedom and permission in that, embrace it! The only caveat, if you find something that you indeed hate and are terrible at... run, don’t just walk away (in a responsible way of course!). If we spend our whole lives investing in the things in which we do not excel, we end up neglecting the gifts that God gave us. You were made with a purpose, find out what that is and go do it and do it well! Discover and develop your strengths not your weaknesses, because the good Lord has our weakness covered! Even better, if we commit our 20s to walking with Jesus and discovering our strengths He will not only reveal our purpose to us (because He is that good!) but then we also receive the gift of living a fulfilled, spirit-led life for years to come .

"He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end." (Ecclesiastes 3:11)

comments

a standard of grace.

I've always fallen more on the perfectionist side of the spectrum. I have unrealistic ideas about the kind of life I should live and the kind of woman I should be, and I tend to be slow to grant myself the necessary grace to live a sane and peaceful life. Thus, when I saw this sweet little image posted on Glamour Magazine's blog, Vitamin G, I absolutely knew I had to save it, write the words on my heart, and share it with all of you.

Let's make this promise to ourselves today. Let's allow grace to wash over us in the areas of our lives where we have perfectionist strongholds. Let's let ourselves make a mistake or two, and know that each day is filled with new mercies:

"Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning." (Lamentations 3:22-23)

Are you holding yourself to an unrealistic standard of perfection? What keeps you from exchanging it for grace?

comments

new growth.

"During one six-year period, I took frequent nature walks near my home in Montana in order to photograph a cottonwood tree and the landscape surrounding it. I was able to witness the tree’s changes- for example, when a fractured limb decayed, then sprouted new growth right before my eyes. It was a powerful reminder that there are times we have to let part of ourselves go to make way for something new."

Raymond Meeks, Photographer
Featured in Real Simple Magazine

When have you seen beauty and new growth come from brokenness or hardship in your life?

comments

a night on the ranch.

A few weeks ago Allie hosted some of our Wonderfully Made student leaders at her home for a weekend retreat of planning and bonding. We cooked, we laughed, and we shared. It was a refreshing time of connecting with other women who share a heart for girls knowing their worth. As a treat to us, Allie had her friend Kristin Renee come take photos of us on a beautiful ranch outside of Santa Barbara. So thankful to you, Kristin, for capturing our fun night together on camera!

When was the last time you spent an encouraging weekend with girlfriends?

comments

a cord not easily broken.

Do you have close friends in your life, the kind who know your strengths and weaknesses, and who love you enough to hold you accountable? My dear friend Kenna sent me a beautiful testimony related to those questions this morning that I want to share with you. It's written by a woman named Karen Ehman and can also be found on the Proverbs 31 Ministries website. If those friends exist in your life, tell them you value them today. If they don't, I'd encourage you to seek them out. There is nothing quite as important in life as authentic community.

My Triple-Braided Cord
August 18, 2011
Karen Ehman

“A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken.” Ecclesiastes 4:12 (NLT)

I’ve been embattled in a knock-down, drag-out fight for over a quarter-century now. Sometimes, I feel the little daily battles that are part of this clash completely defeat me, leaving me helpless and hopeless. And I feel alone in my battle.

What is this battle that consumes me? It is one that many women face. My constant, decades-long skirmish is with food. Or rather with my desire for food. Bad foods. Wrong foods. Or just vast quantities of food.

A few years back, I felt I’d come to the end of my rope. Severely overweight and reeling from seven different medical conditions, I finally determined to do something decisive for fear I might wind up like my aunt. She died unexpectedly of a heart attack when she was only in her early forties. I had just celebrated my 40th birthday, was the same size my aunt had been, and shared many of her medical issues.

So one day with desperate determination, a pair of hand-me-down walking shoes, and my trusty calorie counter in hand, I set off to religiously follow a weight-loss and exercise regimen. And follow it I did — to the T! Eleven months later, I’d dropped over 100 pounds. All my health conditions disappeared without any medication and I felt better than I had in my twenties. I boldly determined that never, EVER again would I let that weight creep back on.

Fast forward three years. One snowy Christmas eve, my husband’s company gave him notice of a layoff. It lasted for nearly 9 months. Money was tight. The future looked bleak. I was worried and teetering on the brink of depression. I hate to admit that, sadly, I again turned to food instead of to God. I made it my comfort; my distraction; my friend.

However, this familiar “friend” quickly became my archenemy. Over the course of those 9 months, I gained back over a third of the weight I’d lost! Now entrenched in the thick of the battle again, I was weary and weak; embarrassed and embittered. However, one day God sent me today’s key verse. He whispered in my soul’s ear that I needed to stop fighting the battle alone. Time to call in the troops!

I phoned my friend Lysa and asked her if she would not only pray for me, but allow me to “weigh-in” with her once a month to let her know if I’d lost or gained. She too has fought the same battle and was gracious and willing to be my second strand, watching my back and enabling me to conquer.

Another friend, who also has fought weight issues, sensed how much my regain was bothering me. On one of my darkest days, she took my chin in her hand, looked me squarely in the eye, and told me I was beautiful and that I needed to stop allowing Satan to beat me up. Shari became my third strand. She committed to pray for me, and I started emailing her each month with a report from the front lines of my battlefield.

Knowing these “I’ve-been-there” sisters were both rooting, as well as praying, for me has made an immense difference.

Whether it is extra weight on our thighs or excess baggage in our souls, we women all face heated, hard battles. Our key verse today teaches us to decide not to wage war all alone.

God wants us to enlist another strand or two to strengthen one another in the fight to overcome strongholds and worship Him alone. Satan shudders when God’s gals band together, with Jesus at the forefront, to courageously face the battle before us.

Dear Lord, forgive me for the times I try to wage war alone. Guide me to someone who will come alongside of me and encourage me not to give up in my quest to glorify You. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

Who are the two other cords in your life?

comments

book review: hungry.

This weekend I finally had the chance to read Crystal Renn's book "Hungry: A Young Model's Story of Appetite, Ambition and the Ultimate Embrace of Curves." I've wanted to read it for months, so when it finally arrived in the mail (along with, as you can see, my brand new Moleskine planner) I was ecstatic. I immediately cracked it open and started reading on Friday afternoon, and by Saturday afternoon I had completely finished it. Talk about devouring a book.

Crystal is a truly inspiring 25-year-old. She started modeling when she was 14 and battled anorexia for years in order to compete with other models in the industry. After accidentally gaining weight and being criticized by her agency, she finally had a breakthrough and decided to become a plus-sized model for Ford. From there, she committed to healing from her eating disorder and embraced her natural size, and her career escalated to a level she never imagined.

Although I wouldn't put it on my list of all-time favorite books, I would definitely recommend reading it. Crystal has a powerful story that is worth hearing, especially for those of us who have struggled with getting value from the way our body looks. Here are some of my favorite excerpts from the book:

On starving herself:

"I was in a constant state of panic. I had no energy, felt no joy. I was freezing all the time. I was constantly constipated; my stomach pain was so ever-present that I took its constant thrumming for granted. I had trouble sleeping. I experienced regular heart palpitations. My joints, especially those in my knees and jaw, ached terribly. My hair was breaking off and falling out. My skin developed a gray tinge. I had a perpetual headache. I often heard ringing in my ears. I sometimes had trouble breathing. My skin was Sahara-dry. My throat and joints ached badly enough that I often wanted to cry. If I stood up too quickly, I'd get so dizzy that I had to put a hand on the wall to make the room stop spinning. I was always exhausted. I needed loads of caffeine to make it through my eight-hour workouts. My legs were so covered in bruises that I looked like I had an abusive boyfriend. My pathology was my lover. I don't know what death feels like, but this had to be the beginning. I wanted to claw off my own face." (page 93)

On the consequences of anorexia:

"Whatever the cause, anorexia is notoriously difficult to treat. It has a depressingly high fatality rate. Up to 20 percent of people with this disease die of it, according to the nonprofit Eating Disorders Coalition. That makes it the deadliest mental illness, the one with the highest premature mortality rate." (page 109)

On perfection and external focus:

"We're supposed to tinker and reduce and perfect--it's integral to the gig of being modern women. When we're focused on our bodies, we don't have the external focus to turn to the outside world. The ironic thing is that if we did focus on improving the world...we'd wind up healthier as a country, and perhaps thinner." (page 123)

On dieting:

"There's a concept called false hope syndrome, described by psychologists at the University of Toronto. Dieting is the perfect example of it. People keep trying to do something over and over, despite repeated failures. They explain away each failure and try again with renewed vigor. Overwhelming odds against success don't deter them--hope springs eternal! Diets don't work long-term, but people blame themselves, not the diet. The very act of embarking on yet another diet makes us feel better and more hopeful. This time it will work. This time we'll do it right. We feel empowered. We're finally taking control of our lives. But the ending is always the same." (page 128)

On self-acceptance:

"One fact is constant: Self-acceptance is a choice. You live in your body every day, and I live in mine. Some days it's difficult to live in my body, as I imagine it's difficult for you to live in yours. I used to hear a voice in my head every day telling me to obsess about my thighs. That voice is still there, but now it whispers instead of screams. I told the voice I wouldn't listen to it anymore. I told the voice I refuse to let you win." (page 212)

On confidence:

"The solution is to accept that the only person you have to please is yourself. Indulge your instincts, wear what you love, and embrace your own natural size. As tired as it sounds, self-acceptance has to come from within. You simple cannot look to the wider world for a perpetual stream of affirmation. It won't be there. And life is too short to hate yourself. Confidence is what ultimately makes us attractive, no matter what we look like." (page 222)

What does self-acceptance look like for you? In what ways do you choose body confidence?

comments

healthy at any size.

Jess Weiner is a well-known author (A Very Hungry Girl and Life Doesn't Begin 5 Pounds from Now) and healthy body image advocate who has gotten even more time in the spotlight since Glamour published her article, "Loving My Body Almost Killed Me," in their recent September issue.

Catchy as it sounds, the article was not without controversy. As a size-18 body acceptance thought-leader, Jess received a lot of negative feedback about questioning her health. After all, didn't she stand firm that women are healthy at any size?

Below is an interview from NBC Today with Jess and Glamour's editor-in-chief Cindi Leive, in which Jess explains her decision to write the article:

Do you respect your body regardless of size? How do you practice body acceptance while pursuing good health?

comments

twitter apologies & gratitude.

It all began just two days ago, when I discovered a less-than-inspiring post on Donald Miller's blog, directed at girls who want to live a good love story:

I was shocked, amazed and pathetically-too-excited that Donald Miller mentioned me in a tweet...I mean, he's Donald Miller...author of Blue Like Jazz, Through Painted Deserts, A Million Miles in a Thousand Years, and so many other brilliant pieces of work. My little voice had been heard! Shortly after, I published my response to his controversial post, mentioning him once again in my tweet:

Offensive and frustrating as it was to read his original post, I'm thankful to say that it is no longer published on his blog. In fact, shortly after I posted my thoughts I noticed that he had not only removed the distasteful material, but had also issued a public apology about it to the many who had expressed their feedback to him. Amazing, beautiful, and notable.

It's always exciting to see change and progress happening before our eyes. We see something wrong, we stand up for it, and boom, the wrong is corrected. It's a wonderful thing, change. Thank you, Donald Miller, for hearing the many voices who responded to your post, and for being humble enough to own up to your mistake. It's a rare quality, and something to be honored and recognized.

Have you ever owned up to making a major mistake? How did others respond?

comments

wholeness, not shame.

[photo credit]

I recently came across Donald Miller's blog post, "How to Live a Great Love Story, Vol 1 (For the Girls)" and felt confused. I've asked for opinions from others. I've read the whole thing multiple times. I've tried to find a way to justify his words and his tone, but I just can't get over the fact that I'm offended.

First, let me say that this is going to be a long post, but I do hope that you'll read the entire thing. I'd love to hear your responses too!

Second, I need to preface this response by saying that I really do believe he had good intentions with this post. He is a talented and wise writer who has transformed the spiritual lives of so many, including myself. So rather than talk about how ridiculous Donald Miller is (because he's not), I'm going to unpack my thoughts on the content of the post. This is a response about the writing, not the character of the man.

Now that we cleared that up, here are my issues with it...

Shame-inducing.
The first thing that caught me off guard was how much this post deviates from his usual tone and language, which is filled with grace. Instead of offering women encouragement during their season of singleness, his language inflicts feelings of shame, guilt and regret:

"...guys don’t hook up with girls they would marry. They marry the girls they get nervous around and are made to pursue. So, if you become a “hook up” girl you get labeled, in the minds of guys as a girl you really don’t have to fight for. And when your husband finds out you were the “hook up” girl he’s going to have to have a lot of grace, which is fine, it just puts you in the category of “charity” in his mind and not “equal” or “partner.” He may still love you, but he will have serious questions about whether you’re in the kind of shape it takes to [live a great love story with]."

Oh gosh, where do I begin? I have no regrets and have dealt with my past, yet I find myself feeling so ashamed and unworthy after reading that section. Charity? Not an equal or partner? That is harsh beyond harsh, and so untrue. In fact, ladies, if you ever meet a man to puts you in the charity category, he's not the man to marry--no matter what you've done in your past! And regarding the need for a lot of grace...don't we all need a lot of grace? What about pride, or lust or envy? Don't those sins require a lot of grace? I can't help but think of the parable of the adulterous woman in John 8:

At dawn [Jesus] appeared again in the temple courts, where all the people gathered around him, and he sat down to teach them. The teachers of the law and the Pharisees brought in a woman caught in adultery...When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, “Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her"...

At this, those who heard began to go away one at a time, the older ones first, until only Jesus was left, with the woman still standing there. Jesus straightened up and asked her, “Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?”

“No one, sir,” she said.

“Then neither do I condemn you,” Jesus declared. “Go now and leave your life of sin.”

Yes, we are accountable to our past. And yes, that can be difficult to share with a man who you are going to marry; however, we are all sinners and in desperate need for grace. Some sins are public and some sins are private, but sin is sin. Whether we have been intentionally promiscuous or were victims of sexual abuse, there is never a reason for anyone to throw stones. It's important to deal with the past, but also to understand that a man worth living a love story with would never make you feel ashamed.

Pathetic view of singleness.
According to this post, single women need to "be willing to suffer" in order to live a great love story:

"What this means for you is that your love story needs to have a lot of lonely crying in it. Believe it or not, there will come a day when a man will fall madly in love with you and you will have the honor of sitting down with him one special night to explain that, while you weren’t perfect, you turned down plenty of guys and and cried yourself to sleep hoping somebody would come around and treat you with respect."

Lonely crying? Is that really the only option for single women who want to experience true love? If so, then I certainly did everything wrong. Yes, some yearn for love more than others, but does that mean that in order to live a real-life love story we need to sit at home and cry about how desperate we are for a man to come rescue us from the pain of being alone? No, not at all.

Degrading language.
After all of that nonsense above about how to live a great love story, the blog post then addresses what to do if you've "completely screwed this up."

Be honest about it. Don’t hide it. If you went through a slutty season, don’t act like you were a helpless victim, a sweet girl who got caught up. You probably weren’t...

You shouldn’t share a bunch of details, but you should definitely share you went through a slutty season and have very few, if any, excuses...

You’re going to marry a man, not men. So cut the slutty dresses and Facebook photos...

Is it ever okay for someone to refer to a woman as "slutty," let alone an influential Christian writer? I didn't think so, but maybe that became okay language to use in the past few years while I've been distracted by my kind, respecting husband Brian. Regardless, it's not okay in my book and I really don't appreciate it. How can someone expect women who have already "screwed up" to ever grasp their self-worth when they are referred to with such degrading language?

Did you read Donald Miller's blog post? What's your response?

UPDATE (August 12): Shortly after I posted these thoughts, Donald Miller removed the offensive blog post and issued a public apology on his blog in response to the many who sent feedback to him. You can read about his deletion of the original post here.

comments

what happens when women pray.

This past weekend I attended a Wonderfully Made leadership retreat at Allie's house. Our student co-directors for each of our college chapters attended, along with the four of us on the exec team. It was a beautiful weekend of female bonding, laughing, planning, and even horse-feeding, but the part that stuck with me the most was the devotional Kayla led on Saturday morning, taken from the renowned What Happens When Women Pray.

These are my takeaways...

Prayer is powerful, and a privilege.
Dare I say, I often forget just how powerful the act of a simple prayer is--let alone the power of many women praying together? It's a bit shameful to admit, but sometimes I let prayer become a duty rather than a privilege. Most often, those are times when I'm praying in a group (because, really, how often do you pray on your own when it feels like a duty?) What struck me most was the concept of "praying in one accord." As we pray together in groups, we are to silently lift up the requests being prayed aloud, thus praying in agreement with one another, or rather "in one accord." These united prayers are biblical and especially powerful:

"For where two or three come together in my name, there am I with them." (Matthew 18:20)

"They all met together and were constantly united in prayer, along with Mary the mother of Jesus, several other women, and the brothers of Jesus." (Acts 1:14)

Forgiveness matters.
Before we pray, we need to remove anything that is in the way. Specifically, we need to release bitterness and extend forgiveness to those who have hurt us. In Mark 11:25-26, Jesus emphasizes just how important this is:

"And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive them, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins."

If Jesus felt the need to point it out then it certainly shouldn't be overlooked. Before making requests, we should take a personal inventory and choose forgiveness. After all, how can we expect God to respond to our prayers and even forgive our sins if we won't do the same for someone else?

Private & Public Prayer.
Our private prayer life determines the quality and validity of our public prayer life. Group prayer is not a substitute for alone time with God. (I am so guilty of this sometimes!) Practice prayer throughout the day, especially right when you wake up. God has a special way of speaking to our hearts in the quiet of the morning.

The 6 S's of Group Prayer
For me, this was the most practical piece Kayla shared with us, and something that is already transforming the way I pray with Brian and with my girlfriends. I encourage you to try it the next chance you have--it's amazing how much it improves the quality of prayer!

1. Subject by subject. Go around in the circle praying for one subject at a time. As each person prays aloud, pray their prayer silently to yourself (this is where "of one accord" comes in).
2. Short prayers. Have you ever prayed in a group before with people who seem to pray for hours out loud? Yes, some people are more gifted at eloquent prayer than others, but that is not the point. Keep group prayers simple, even as short as one sentence each per subject.
3. Simple prayers. Avoid using complicated language and special phrases that can only be understood by some. Group prayer should have no pretense, and should feel comfortable for even the newest of pray-ers.
4. Specific prayer requests. So often we request general things, which is alright, except that it can prevent God from getting the glory for answering our prayers. We must have the courage to ask for real, specific desires of our heart, and allow our will to be conformed to his (that means, even as you ask for something that you want to happen, you invite God to transform your heart to want what He wants to happen).
5. Silent periods. Silence is awkward, we all know it. But that doesn't mean it's a bad thing. When we feel awkward, someone else may be hearing God speak to her heart. Remember, prayer is a two-way conversation. Not only should we make requests, but we should also allow silence so that we can listen for God's response.
6. Small groups. Large groups can make prayer difficult and intimidating for most. Keeping prayer groups to less than 5 people is best.

Do you feel comfortable praying out loud in groups? Why or why not?

comments

a pleasant reminder.

"Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful."

1 Peter 3:3-5

In what non-physical ways do you make yourself beautiful?

comments

to be alive is to be broken.

“Getting honest with ourselves does not make us unacceptable to God. It does not distance us from God, but draws us to Him–as nothing else can–and opens us anew to the flow of grace. While Jesus calls each of us to a more perfect life, we cannot achieve it on our own. To be alive is to be broken; to be broken is to stand in need of grace. It is only through grace that any of us could dare to hope that we could become more like Christ.”

Brennan Manning
The Ragamuffin Gospel

How do you process through the brokenness in your life?

comments

true beauty: jennifer coddou.

I am so delighted today to share my interview of Mrs. Jennifer Coddou as this month's True Beauty post. Jenn went from a stranger to a best friend when she and I met during her engagement party weekend. Although she didn't know what was to come, Brian and I knew she was getting engaged on Saturday night.

You see, her now-husband Patrick is my husband Brian's best friend, and has been for several years. Thanks to their bond, Jenn and I get to have our own special friendship. Jenn is a radiant woman of faith with a contagious smile and warm heart, and has been an example of true beauty for me to learn from since that cold January weekend in Dallas when we first met.

Jenn with her husband Patrick. Texans forever.

What is your greatest passion in life? How do you live it out?

My greatest passion in life are relationships. Whether it be my wonderful husband, family, friends that feel like family, neighbors, or coworkers, relationships bring joy and love in a way that no other earthly thing can. There is something about having a relationship with a friend where you rejoice in their life's triumphs and comfort in the trials. It is such a beautiful blessing when you build a community around you that truly walks through life together.

I live out this passion by striving to get to know people past the surface level conversations. I've learned in the past few years how our culture rarely asks questions to know the heart of people, but our culture is just dying to be known. Example: Social media and it's wild success! So, at work I try not to talk to my coworkers only about work topics but get to know their lives outside of work. I have learned it isn't hard... you just need to ask questions! It is such an opportunity for the Lord to use you to encourage and love on someone that might be hurting or need encouragement.

What woman inspires you?

It is so interesting to look in hindsight at your life at all of the people who have been so inspirational and influential in your spiritual growth. However, there is no woman who has impacted me greater than my mother. We are more alike than I ever admitted, and she has the sweetest and purest heart in a woman. She serves without acknowledgement, and since being married, I am realizing more and more what an incredible mom and woman she is! Recently, she has inspired me by watching her relationship with the Lord grow and how the Lord has been using her in college girls' lives. I truly look up to her, and I hope to be half the wife and mother she was to me.

How does what you do for a living fit in with your passions and what you feel is your calling?

Well, like many in our generation, I have changed jobs quite a bit since graduating from college. I am, however, confident that I am truly where the Lord has me in a profession that I love! I am a middle school math teacher at an all girls public school in Fort Worth, Texas for those of you who do not know.

Teaching is such a two-fold ministry. First, you have students in your classroom everyday, which for me, I see around 90 girls every two days come to my math class. I have truly been burdened that I might be the only example of the Gospel these girls see, and my life should look starkly different than an everyday teacher. I have loved the moments where girls pull me out into the hallway and share what's going on in their home lives. It is sobering to see all of the things they have to face at such a young age, but it also offers a chance for me to love them and let them know I'm praying for them. I strive to have a relationship with each of my students that they know Mrs. Coddou loves them and is there for them if they ever need me.

Second, I work with some incredible teachers, staff, and administrators. Everyday we are e-mailing, eating lunch together, working on projects together, or running around doing last minute things. It has been a major struggle to get to know these friends on a deeper level, because all we want to talk about is school. However, with time I am praying the Lord will open doors, and these friends will see that I am not just a sweet, moral girl, but someone who has been saved by the Gospel. I love my job!

When do you feel most alive?

This is such a difficult question, and I don't have just one answer. Go figure! To trim down my list, here are a few: loving people and feeling the Lord working through you in a conversation. Driving on a beautiful day with the windows down and my favorite music playing. Laughing with my husband or closest friends. Cooking a meal in my kitchen and having tons of people over. Sitting on our front porch with my husband in the evenings and talking to neighbors or ... just each other.

What do you think is the most challenging thing about following Jesus as a 20-something girl?

The 20's are such a transitional stage of life. You are either graduating from college, starting life after college as a young professional, getting married or figuring out your purpose and all the Lord has for you in life. We put so much pressure as girls on ourselves to be passionate, just the right dress size, cultured, full of life, and not "too much." There are so many lies that we buy into and measure our self worth against when we should be enjoying the freedom and joy in living the life the Lord has provided.

What do you think is the most rewarding thing about following Jesus as a 20-something girl?

Wow... with all of the transitions of life in the 20's there are a lot of growing pains. All of the new seasons of life and uncharted territories lend to so much growth and challenging experiences. It is an incredible journey to walk through life during your 20's, because you are growing, learning more about yourself, and finding out ways the Lord has wired you and is using you in the real world to make a difference. When I look back over the last 5 years in my 20's, some of the sweetest times have been the hardest roads, and I would never change that for anything! One of my favorite passages in the Bible, Job 23:8-10, talks about Job looking all directions and feeling like the Lord is distant. But then in verse 10 is the sweetest truth: "But He knows the way I take; when He has tested me, I will come forth as gold." Enjoy all of the experiences, even the tough, lonely ones. HE knows the way you take, and He is sharpening you as a woman to come forth as gold.

comments